1/20/17 My Reply
I know the feeling. I was there for over 20 years. Depression is a combination of a chemical imbalance and environmental problems in the person’s life. So the solution has two parts. It is important to see a dr who can give you a medication to correct the imbalance that is causing your mood to be depressed. The specialist is called a psychiatrist. I have seen one now for more than 20 years and the medication has improved the quality of my life immensely. The other part of the solution is to correct the problems in your life that cause sadness, distress and anxiety. You may need help with this. There are many people who can help you, and your medical insurance would most likely cover it. There may be a copay for each visit, which is usually negotiable. You may choose to see a social worker, a psychologist, or a Christian counselor. This person is an assistant to you while you take the actions necessary to fix whatever is wrong in your life. One question you may want to ask them, in an initial visit, is whether they give advice. There are some therapists that will not give advice, but let you work out your own problems. I do not like that. I like advice! It can be controversial at times, but a little guidance here and there has been very helpful and comforting to me.
You gave no hint of what is wrong in your life. But I’d still like to recommend a book to you. It is called Boundaries by Henry Cloud and Townsend. This book has been of great assistance in my taking control of my life. I used to be a people-pleaser so bad that I never got what I wanted out of relationships, not to mention that I had difficulty asking for what I needed. I let people behave in ways I could not tolerate. Then I would feel despair.
But depression is such that it is possible your life is hunky dory, and the mood is the entire problem. I don’t know your situation well enough to tell. Although I had it rough as a child, one day I had to stop pointing the finger at others in order to admit that I had a mood problem. I used to think, “My mother made me feel this way,” “My friend said something wrong and that’s why I feel this way.” But then one day nobody did or said anything awry to me, and I totally crashed into suicidal feelings for no apparent reason. That was the day I realized it was partly ME that was the problem! I knew I needed help. But at that time there were no meds in existence for depression. We are both lucky that today we have this option to correct the imbalance. They are not “happy pills.” I do not take one and then suddenly feel happy. It doesn’t work like that! They build up in the bloodstream over the period of two weeks. Then the medication reaches a “therapeutic level.” Then it works. But if I miss a pill, I do not notice any change because I still have the med in my blood. However, going cold turkey (missing several doses in a row) can cause low blood pressure. It is recommended to take the pills as directed.
It will take some “trial and error” to find the pill that works well for you. Everyone’s body chemistry is different. We don’t have trichorters, like on Star Trek, to measure serotonin levels in the blood. The problem could be serotonin or it could be a combination of neurotransmitters that are out of balance, requiring more than one medication. No one knows by looking at the person or talking to them. But when the dr hits on the right drug/drugs, your life will be transformed! The key to getting to that miracle is this: You must work like a team with your dr and therapist and report exactly how you feel since starting the new pill. Report changes in your physical, mental and emotional condition. If you get an intolerable side effect, do not stop taking the med on your own! Call your psychiatrist right away and speak to him directly. He will make an immediate change to your course of treatment by phone, or ask you to come for an office visit to decide what to do. That is how it works. I went through several anti-depressants before finding the one that is right for me. It is an older medicine, and I have been on it for almost twenty years. It was a process to fix the environmental problems in my life, but at least my mood was normal while I went through all of that. That’s right: The pills bring normalcy, not a high. If you have ever heard of people getting addicted to psych pills, then you heard about anti-anxiety meds like valium or Ativan. These are not anti-depressants. Anti-depressants are not addictive. But if you ever decide to go off them, you have to wean off of them over a couple of weeks. I am a nurse, but I did not learn any of this in nursing school. I learned by experience.
I will pray for you. And I hope that my experiences can help you. I have also created a website for suicide prevention and Christian perspectives on life. It is www.darknesstolight.info I share coping skills and more experiences. I share Bible verses and I address some common beliefs that cause people to feel that they are merely animals. We are NOT animals! We are children of the King! J
If you continue to write on this blog, I will get an email that you wrote something, and we can write back and forth, if you like. God bless you, sister! oxoxo
3/10/16 In response to CollegeKidwho does not feel he deserves God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness:
Revelation 21 says,
“Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
No matter how imperfect you feel, keep in mind the person you will be after Jesus comes. Though none of us deserves salvation, Christ redeemed us and will perfect us all, if we are faithful. Part of our job is to just maintain the gift of life, so that He can bring us to the fruition that He has in mind. We see our frailties; He sees our perfection. He is the only One who can bring us there, to reach our potential. Maintaining the gift of life is a huge challenge for many people. It was for me, for the first half of my life. So many years of misery, yet I was growing and learning, and becoming familiar with the Bible. I believed in God and I lived in obedience to His will. Those two dozen years of my life are like a blink of an eye compared to the eternity in front of me.
3/11/16 in response to CollegeKid:
“I feel like a failure. I am always making mistakes.”
Thomas Edison’s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”
Source: uky.eduThey Did Not Give Up
Perspectives depend on the angle we are viewing from. It is our choice how we perceive events that happen in our lives. We can learn to make better choices that improve our lives. Failure is always a step in our development. We can “make stumbling blocks into stepping stones,” so to speak. When I was young, my life was hell. I had no friends and was tormented by other students at school. They did not like how I looked. I failed to look the same as everybody else. They saw me as different because I was severely depressed and my body developed earlier than anyone else in my class. This experience actually helped me to develop my character. I could have turned out mean like the other kids, but because I knew what it was like to be left out, I determined to always be kind to everyone, regardless of how they look. I didn’t want anyone to feel how I felt when people tormented me. And how important are looks anyway?! Not important enough to torment someone into hating their life. Looks are just looks. Yeah, my clothes were out of date, but that didn’t mean anything bad about me; rather, it meant I needed to update my wardrobe. So what?! I didn’t deserve the treatment the world gave me. But the Lord meant it to me for good. (Romans 8:28) I am today a very kind person.
I am a nurse. When I work, I really don’t care if someone is sick and they smell and they look terrible: They are a PERSON to me!! This brings to mind the lesson I learned regarding political correctness when speaking about persons with disabilities. They are not “schizophrenics;” they are “people with schizophrenia.” This makes them a person first and their disease is second, rather than a disease being their identity. Makes sense. It’s all about respect. And I do have respect, because I am a person with a disability too. We all have virtues and shortcomings. I’d rather have the shortcoming of being bipolar than the shortcoming of being mean. I can manage my illness, but changing meanness is a challenge that only God can handle. Our hearts are in His loving hands. He is forming us; we are in the crucible. It’s darned hot in there, but like Job said, “I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10. The Lord “…shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and He shall purge the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.” Malachi 3:3.
12/14/16 to Woman In Physical Pain:
It is a miracle you are alive! Im glad you made it through even though your quality of life is impaired. Try to focus on the things you CAN do. This will keep you from frustration. Expand upon what you do have. God has still given you writing ability and you can pray. These are valuable. “Gifts that are not needed are not bestowed,” a magazine once said. That helped me to decide to use my art skills for a childrens ministry. I now illustrate Bible stories for the children at church to color while I tell them the story in my own words. At the age of 45 I am still learning and discovering my potential. I was suicidal for more than half my life. I have found meaning in the Bible and my relationship with God has grown tremendously. Although I have some health problems, God gave me a peace that passes all understanding. I am what some people would call “resilient.” This is because I keep my mind open, take suggestions, and constantly try new ways to find healing. I use every tool offered me to the best of my ability. I am an optimist, however, I was not always this way. I believe depression requires anti-depressant meds. I have taken these for over 20 years. They work incredibly well once I found the one that meshes well with my particular chemical imbalance. Since everyones body chemistry is different, it is a case of trial and error. Work with your psychiatrist and therapist as a team, reporting all details of how a med affects you. #1 piece of advice: persevere with the process! You are bound to get somewhere better if you do both meds and talk therapy. The physical pain issue can be improved by anti-depressants somewhat. You are in an extremely tough situation. But if you persevere, you are promised the crown of life. Basically, you get a new body and a new life. You will be happy in the new heavens and the new Earth. For starters, read Revelation 21&22 both chapters.
May 22, 2017
Where there is life, there is hope that someday you will be happy and have your chance to glorify God. Right now you are glorifying Him in the only possible way you can: you refuse to let the Devil win. This is admirable. It is like Job who went through such adversity and said, “the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the Lord.” Its true that the Lord allows adversity. But its the Devil that causes it. Read Job 1. Yet Job stood for the Lord! And he was glad he did because the Lord gave him back even more than what he had before: wealth, a new family, new friends, true blessings. You are being tested. But the experience and God will make you and re-create you. After you come through this, you will have unparalleled compassion. You will help others. You will have empathy for others. You will do much to serve the Lord. This world has much pain and heartache. Hold out to the very end of Gods plan for you. You are eligible to see the face of God someday! This is the God that willed the Garden of Eden for all of us. He is the God that knows how to balance the mind. He makes everything for our happiness. After the second coming, He will recreate the world by speaking it back into existence as a paradise for you! Believe that He has a future for you! Believe that God is good and can and will get you through this! www.darknesstolight.info is my ministry website for people that have this problem. I went through it. All my life was suicidal. I am happy today. It is possible! You can bear all things through Christ who strengthens you. Bear this for Christ who bore the cross for you. But also take actions to get better. Commit to your recovery. Work with your doctor and therapist. Eat healthy. Exercise. Try to think positive. You can make up your own positive affirmations and visualizations and say them every day. You will eventually believe them and change the course of your life.
It is possible to still find yourself a mate that truly loves you, but remember that you must not expect a mate to meet all your needs. You must meet some, and friends and possibly family must meet other needs. Healthy, balanced give and take relationships will work for you. A mate is not the answer right now. You and God are the answer! Begin with an offering to God, such as a song, a prayer of praise, and if you can, thank Him for getting you through this far. Thank Him that He will give you a new beginning. Thank Him for dying on the cross for you. Make this day a turning point. Turn your thoughts to a future with Him. You still have some consequences to pay. However this is your chance to glorify God by owning your actions. What you did in despair was a choice. You only have one option that is right in the sight of God. Pay whatever you have to, so that you may repent and leave despair behind. Give despair to God and never look back. Move forward in Christ! We all make mistakes. We all act without thinking of possible outcomes. It is human. But from now on you know: you must think ahead and make decisions that you know you can live with. This is real. Everything matters. Everything counts. We will all face judgment. But the saved people need not worry, because Christ is our advocate. Commit to Him. Thank Him. I am so grateful that your life is preserved! You still have a chance. God will give you what you need. I will pray for you.
Paul-A blogwriter says that God chooses not to respond to our pain.
1/23/17 My reply:
Dear friend Paul,
It may seem that God does not respond, but He does send us the Comforter, His Holy Spirit. He sends us angels to protect us. When we get to heaven, we will all learn what could have befallen us if we were not protected by God in this way. Our situations could always be worse. And the reason for that is that we have an enemy. The enemy is real, and we are under attack at times. That enemy is Satan.
I read your post carefully. It seems that your understanding of God may be causing you pain. I want to help you with this. Please allow me to explain, so that you will know and believe what it says in 1 Jn 4:8 that “God is love.” For if you can truly believe this, you will claim the promise that our loving God has given us: “He who overcometh shall inherit all things. I will be his God and He will be My son.” Rev 21:7.
There is something that Seventh Day Adventists have been able to really pin down in a simple catch phrase called “the great controversy.” This term means that there is a war between Christ and Satan that involves us humans intimately. But most people are not aware of who the enemy and the source of sin is/was. The Bible tells the whole story, although it is somewhat fragmented amongst the different books of the Bible. Please let me tell you the story, so that you will know and understand God better.
The story of where sin, pain, and suffering came from begins far back in time before humans were created. Go to Ezek 28:12-17. My words are in parentheses:
‘Thus says the Lord God: (He is speaking of an angel called Lucifer, who was a beautiful angel of the highest rank)
“You were the seal of perfection,
Full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.
You were in Eden, the garden of God;
Every precious stone was your covering:
The sardius, topaz, and diamond,
Beryl, onyx, and jasper,
Sapphire, turquoise, and emerald with gold.
The workmanship of your timbrels and pipes
Was prepared for you on the day you were created.
“You were the anointed cherub who covers;
I established you;
You were on the holy mountain of God;
You walked back and forth in the midst of fiery stones.
You were perfect in your ways from the day you were created,
Till iniquity was found in you. (iniquity means continual unrepented sin.)
“By the abundance of your trading
You became filled with violence within,
And you sinned;
Therefore I cast you as a profane thing
Out of the mountain of God;
And I destroyed you, O covering cherub,
From the midst of the fiery stones.
“Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty;
You corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor;”
“How you are fallen from heaven,
O Lucifer,[b] son of the morning!
How you are cut down to the ground,
You who weakened the nations!
For you have said in your heart:
‘I will ascend into heaven,
I will exalt my throne above the stars of God;
I will also sit on the mount of the congregation
On the farthest sides of the north;
I will ascend above the heights of the clouds,
I will be like the Most High.’”
(So Lucifer desired to be worshipped by the other angels. He wanted the place of Christ!) Now go to Rev 12:3-9
“And another sign appeared in heaven: behold, a great, fiery red dragon having seven heads and ten horns, and seven diadems on his heads. His tail drew a third of the stars of heaven and threw them to the earth. (This means that a third of the angels of heaven chose to worship Lucifer, the dragon, and were cast out of heaven with him!)
….And war broke out in heaven: Michael and his angels fought with the dragon; and the dragon and his angels fought, but they did not prevail, nor was a place found for them in heaven any longer. So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.”
(Did you get that? That means Lucifer, now called Satan, is HERE with US! That is what Paul is talking about when he speaks of principalities and powers): Ephesians 6:12:
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
(Now go to Genesis chapter 3, to the Garden of Eden, which literally existed, to the story which literally took place just like God said it did. Satan went into an animal called a serpent, which used to be a beautiful animal):
“Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”
And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”
Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. (This was the very first lie.) For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”
So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.
And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”
Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”
And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
So the Lord God said to the serpent:
“Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all cattle,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your belly you shall go,
And you shall eat dust
All the days of your life.
And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her Seed;
He shall bruise your head, (a deadly wound)
And you shall bruise His heel.” (Christ’s heels were pierced with an iron nail when he was crucified on the cross.)
To the woman He said:
“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:
“Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.
In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.”
(Death entered the world, but Adam and Eve were given time to repent. death eventually claimed them, but many years later, just as God said. The source of death was from Satan who brought sin into our Universe. Adam and Eve chose to follow Satan, giving their vote to Satan. Satan then became ruler of our planet temporarily, until Christ defeated him by dying on the cross: Read Jesus’s words in John 12:31-33)
And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.
Also for Adam and his wife the Lord God made tunics of skin, and clothed them.
Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—therefore the Lord God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken. So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.”
(The curse was a punishment given by God because Adam and Eve did the exact same thing that Lucifer did: They desired to be gods. This hurt God more than we will ever know, kind of like getting punched in the same spot twice. But yet, God knew Adam and Eve would do this before He made them! Jesus is the “Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.” Rev 13:8 He knew making us would bring Him to the cross, and yet He made us anyway. He suffered the curse with us. That’s how much He loves us!)
“Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree…”
(Isaiah 53:4-6 shows us God’s plan for the Messiah and how that plan would save mankind.):
Now is the judgment of this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself.” This He said, signifying by what death He would die.
“Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”
(And guess who was right there at the cross? Satan! It pleased him to crucify Christ. And he thought in his wicked heart that he had won the great controversy. But his fate is in Ezek 28:18-19. God says to him,)
“Therefore I brought fire from your midst;
It devoured you,
And I turned you to ashes upon the earth
In the sight of all who saw you.
All who knew you among the peoples are astonished at you;
You have become a horror,
And shall be no more forever.”’”
(And so shall the wicked be no more forever after they are burned up in the Lake of Fire):
Malachi 4:3New King James Version (NKJV)
“You (the saints that are saved) shall trample the wicked,
For they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet…”
(Mt 25:41tells us that hell was never meant for humans. It was meant for Lucifer and his angels. God made it possible for every human to be saved, if they are willing):
“…the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”
(When all is burnt up, the fires of hell go out. The effect of the fire is everlasting and eternal: annihilation. And then Christ will speak the Earth back into the paradise of Eden for the saints and God to live upon forever in a restored Universe without sin.)
“Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.””
(And so is God a true and faithful Friend. Trust Him. Take up whatever cross you bear and follow Him, because He will rule forever in a Universe of love. You will be happy there. After the great controversy is resolved on Earth, no one will ever question again whether sin is good or bad. Sin put Christ on the cross. And the scars on Christ’s hands will bear witness to this truth forever. Peace be with you, my friend!)
REPLY to a man who is feeling far from God, plus lost a relationship.
A Living Heart: Ezekiel 36:26
God said, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
You have one. Thats why youre feeling this way. A heart of flesh is vulnerable. Its risky. Its a thorny and stony world. But the Lord surrounds you to keep your heart beating. You will survive. And never wish to be any other way, for this living heart is the apple of Gods eye.
“He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being…” -Acts 17:26-28. I thought of this verse for you. The Lord is with you and in you, keeping your heart beating. Your thinking is excellent and correct! You just sound very very lonely. Visualize and believe in the woman God has for you. She is alive now somewhere; you just havent met her yet. Determine to find her! In the meantime, set yourself to do the Lords work, which you will find satisfying. Help others. Our good works are prepared for us by God, the Bible says. There are many purposes to life. One is to seek a mate, but other relationships bring purpose too. However our greatest purpose is to worship and glorify God.
“But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.” Thats one reason God made us! We glorify Him by using our talents. “Talents that are not needed are not bestowed,” Ellen White said. It means that if you were given a talent, you were given it for a definite reason and you are meant to utilize it for God’s glory! I hope that helps. You may wish to visit my website: http://darknesstolight.info/. It will further help you to find meaning in life. It gives ways to cope, positive affirmations, and much more. I will pray for you. And definitely try to seek a Christian mate so you will have a good life together in agreeance. God bless you!
Suicide and crisis support around the world:
www.amhc.org suicide prevention page.
www.amhc.org/selfhelp/ Self-help Group Sourcebook OnLine.
National Mental Health Consumers’ Self-Help Clearinghouse:
American Self-Help Group Clearinghouse:
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: