Suicide Prevention Is Possible! I’m Proof!

About The Author:

Pen name:  Sarah Praise Given

I hope I gave good suicide prevention tips that really helped!

Here’s a little about me:  I have forgiven those who wronged me, so there is no need to recount the events between me and my abuser.  But I will say that my family has some history of dysfunction, mental illness, and alcoholism.  I myself developed mental illness and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as various addictions other than substance abuse.  The first half of my life felt tragic and powerless. But I do believe that my experiences have great meaning in hindsight.  I do believe that God meant for me to help others overcome, just as I overcame.
Many coping mechanisms can indeed be taught.  The reason we

​have such a high suicide rate in our world, I believe, is because healthy

ways of coping are not passed on from parents to children, as they could be.  In essence, everybody is left guessing what to do.  They can either re-invent the wheel or just follow what they see parents doing.  Children eagerly latch onto ideas that are set by example, such as addictions to food, substances, codependency, self-harm, etc.  These behaviors are clearly not an answer to gut-wrenching emotional pain.  Nine times out of ten, they only cause more pain and loss.  Addictions cause damage to the psyche, as well as the body, the finances, the job, the career, property, and relationships.  I am hoping that my writings offer alternative solutions for people who are suicidal.

My Testimony:

​My transformation has taken years.  It was a slow journey from being an abused, suicidal child to becoming independent, self-confident, and loving myself.  It was a long process of adjustments to change my tendency to associate with people who were not good for me. My transformation was nurtured by reading the Bible, by outrageous life experiences, and by fellowshipping with other believers.

When I was a child in kindergarten, my mother went through a major personality transformation.  Little did I know, but she had schizophrenia.  That’s why she changed from being a kind, gentle, loving mother into a raging, critical, and oppressive presence in my life.  She put the blame for her unhappiness on me.  She was extremely harsh and critical of me.  I despaired, believing that even my own mother did not love me.

One day, some Christians in a shopping mall gave me a booklet containing the Gospel of Luke.  I was hooked on reading about Jesus until I finished the booklet at 2am.  It was that moment that I committed myself to Jesus in prayer.

By family tradition, I was bound to become confirmed Catholic.  By the time I turned 14, I asked my mother if I could attend church on Sundays.  Mom’s answer was, “No, you can’t.  I don’t want you becoming brainwashed.  I went to Catholic school; I know what it’s like.”  An argument followed, which I lost like always lost every argument.  It ended with, “Why?!! Because I’M YOUR MOTHER!!!!!.”  And that was it.  I was devastated.  I went to my room and cried.  I promised God that, “Some day when I grow up and I’m able to make decisions for myself, I will worship You, Jesus.”  Then I proceeded to push Jesus and church out of my mind, because it was just too painful to think about God.

One day I found myself 25 years old, living on my own, and I felt the desire to worship God in song.  I remembered my promise to Jesus.  So after a tumultuous life of living my own way, I joined a church choir.

I eventually joined a 7th Day Adventist Church, but I found that I still had my tendency to associate with people who were not good for me.  I was working on this in therapy, 12-step, and even a codependency group therapy.  I was attracted only to alcoholics.  “Normal” people seemed boring to me.  If anyone was too kind, I’d run the other direction.  I realized that this was something within me that came from the way I had grown up.  I was damaged in my formative years by my oppressive childhood.  At that point I was no longer speaking to my mother.  Her schizophrenia made her unbearable to be around.  She hallucinated every day.  She spoke non-stop in a booming voice that hurt my ears.  Her criticisms were so hurtful to my already damaged self-esteem.  I broke away from her for my own good.  I continued going to church.

Reading the Bible changed me, providing a huge turn-around for my devastated self-esteem.  The Bible convinced me that God loves me, and it opened the door for God to transform me.  In the Book of Daniel, Daniel was fasting in sackcloth and ashes, confessing his sins and the sins of his people.  I read Daniel 9:23:

[The angel Gabriel spoke to Daniel,] “At the beginning of your supplications (prayers) the command went out, and I have come to tell you, for you are greatly beloved; therefore consider the matter, and understand the vision.”

God’s love for Daniel was easy to understand.  I knew that Daniel prayed at his window each day, kneeling and praying for his people.  Not only did he do this, but he was honest in all that he did.  Not only this, but he had a most excellent spirit.  He was positive, bright, helpful, and trustworthy.  I realized that the only thing Daniel had that I didn’t have was that he prayed on his knees every day.  This was something I could do.  It sounded easy enough.  So why wouldn’t God love me?  Why not me?  I determined to be that person that God would love.

It was God’s love for Daniel and all humanity that healed me.  I decided that I would from now on see myself through the eyes of God, rather than through the eyes of any human being.  And from that moment, I really didn’t care what people thought of me. I only cared what God thought of me.  I lived under the stable love of my Creator.

I decided to try an experiment to attempt changing my tendency to associate with addicts/alcoholics.   The experiment was this: I determined to force myself to associate with some “normal” people.  This was more difficult than I had predicted.  In fact, it made me so uncomfortable that I could hardly stand it.  It felt like something was wrong.  Full of anxiety, I wanted to dart out the door.  But I tried to act as though nothing was wrong.  I tried to be social.  I accepted everything these “normal” people gave me.  I smiled.  I continued my experiment no matter how I felt.  Eventually, the anxious feelings and scariness became less and less.  I became accustomed to being treated well. I changed somewhat.

One day, I decided to forgive my mother for abusing me, because I knew she was sick.  I prayed a short prayer for her while I was laying in bed.  I said, “Dear God,  I pray that my mother will be healed of her schizophrenia.  I pray for her health and happiness.”  Then I rolled over and went to sleep in my sadness. It was a meager prayer of good will, based in true forgiveness.  I never expected that God would answer it!!!!   Within a month my mother healed of her schizophrenia!  I started to visit her again.  Her hallucinations were gone.  Her raging stopped.  She no longer criticized me.  She even gave me the acceptance I had always yearned for.

Then I relapsed into my old ways.  I latched onto a man I met in group therapy.  He had many problems: He was sober from alcoholism and heroin addiction a short time.  I eventually learned that he was deeply emotionally disturbed, but I could not stop loving him.  I was so in love.  My old challenge came to mind: How do I stop associating with those mixed up people I love, and learn to love “normal” people who make me feel so uncomfortable?  I came up with no answer.  But God had the answer.  He allowed that man to take me through the biggest roller coaster of a ride I had ever experienced!  My love for this man turned to horror.  My love was not like a light switch I could turn off at will.  I rode it out, and finally broke free of that marriage.  I saw the error of my ways.  I determined to stick to “normal” people from now on.  And it wasn’t that difficult any more after my experiment.  I learned that “normal” people are actually not boring.  Each person is a universe in himself/herself, patterned after the plan God fashioned them by.

I was now ready to meet my current husband.  He is one of those “normal” people, but I am endlessly fascinated by him.  He is a very hard worker, a reliable bread-earner, and has so much to offer me!  I finished nursing school while married to him.  Now I am an elementary school nurse.  Through my husband’s support, and the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I am developing my spiritual gifts more and more every day!  I have found that I also am a universe, full of talent and creativity.   I enjoy teaching children’s Sabbath School.  I minister to others through my own suicide prevention website.  My testimony proves that healing is possible.  I now live the happy life God had always planned for me.

-SarahPraiseGiven

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255